There is a lot of turmoil in our country over the criminal justice system, the police force and lack of justice in our land. As Star Parker and others have pointed out, there’s a difference between symptoms and causes. Many people are focused on symptoms. As Christians, we need to look at what God says concerning the causes and the solution, which is ultimately found in the gospel. Until people repent and believe the gospel, systemic sin will continue to produce a harvest of death.
As a culture, we have abandoned what God says about the home. We’ve abandoned what God says about sex. We’ve abandoned what God says about parenthood. We’ve abandoned what God says concerning the role of government. Government programs, allegedly designed to help individuals and families, have in fact subsidized illegitimacy and encouraged people to have sex outside of marriage and raise children in fatherless homes. As someone observed years ago, even before the data was as overwhelming as it is today, in the 1960s the US government declared war on poverty, and the poor lost the war. If you are a compassionate person, then you should also be a thinking person. Efforts at government compassion have produced devastating results.
If you really care about the poor, recognize that efforts by the government to help the poor have often been harmful. If you look at statistics concerning the epidemic of fatherless homes, you find that the vast majority of teen suicides, teen runaways and poverty in families is directly linked to fatherless homes. Yet, we have child services and even ministries, essentially communicating the message that fatherlessness is no problem. Fatherlessness IS a problem.
If you’re an oncologist, you want to give hope to cancer patients. You don’t do it by telling them, “Cancer is normal. It’s perfectly fine. We just want to make you comfortable.” That’s not helpful. That’s not medical care, unless you’re at the end of life, in which case we call it hospice. So, if you communicate that fatherlessness is not a problem, you’re not loving people well.
The Bible tells us, “Honor your father and mother;” it is a command of God, and the New Testament points out that it’s the first command with a promise. It’s easy for some people to obey this command, but what if your father or mother was a scoundrel? What if one or both of your parents were utterly irresponsible and neglectful or abusive? How do you honor your father and mother in a situation like that?
I’ll tell you what we’ve shared with hundreds of people we’ve counseled through the years. Live a life of obedience to God that will cause people to say to you, “Wow. You must have had great parents.” When they say that, you can simply respond, “Thank you. Praise the Lord.” To honor your father and mother means you live in such a way as to bring honor to them whether they deserve it or not. God will deal with them and will reward you.
The problem of fatherlessness in our culture is so widespread that it has produced people who did not have good role models. When it’s their turn to parent, they don’t know how to be the kind of parent they should be.
In 1 Thessalonians 2 we read, You know, brothers and sisters, that our visit to you was not without results. We had previously suffered and been treated outrageously in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in the face of strong opposition. For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from people, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our authority. Instead, we were gentle among you.
Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
Paul reminds the church in Thessalonica that he was like a parent to them in his ministry there. He compares himself to a mother. Then, he compares himself to a father. God’s Word gives us instructions about what good parenting looks like. Look again in the passage above. Paul says, “We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel, but our lives as well, because you’ve become so dear to us.” In verse 11 he compares himself to a father, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, aloof, stern, discouraging, frustrating…” Right? No, that is not what we read. He says, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”
A father is not supposed to be the antithesis of the mother. A father and mother are both supposed to love their children dearly in a way that communicates love. If you didn’t have the kind of father you should have had, I’m sorry.
Your heavenly Father is a perfect Father, the only perfect Father. You need to get to know Him better and better. He loves you perfectly.
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