If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:1-7
The last two weeks, we have emphasized that the task of a parent is to point children to their heavenly Father. This is done as we demonstrate the gospel and teach our children to trust.
Today, I want to share some basic guidelines regarding the discipline of children. First, discipline is vital. The Bible says that a parent who fails to discipline his children hates his children (Proverbs 13:24).
For discipline to be effective, the rules that you make need to be few, clear and firm. Don’t give your kids 23 rules to remember. God gave us 10 commandments. You should not need more than that. Certainly, you will give your children guidance about many things, but the rules need to be few. No matter the circumstances in your home, take a rule from scripture: Children, obey your parents in the Lord. If I tell my child, “Don’t touch that,” and my child touches it anyway, the child is going to be punished. I will not focus on the fact that they touched something forbidden. I will focus on the fact that they disobeyed me. Make obedience the issue. If you have not told your child, “Don’t touch that,” don’t punish them for touching it. Instead, tell them, “Oh, honey. Don’t do that. I don’t want you to touch that.” Then, if your child touches it, punishment is appropriate.
You might think, “Well, they should have known not to touch it.” Well, should you have known to tell them not to touch it?
Make the rules few, clear and firm. The rules must be enforced. That’s what firm means. I was talking with our kids and the kids here at Wears Valley Ranch about the Lord’s discipline and parental discipline. We talked about the ElectroBraid fencing that we have down in the pasture and the fact that there is current running through it. It’s very effective, because if one of the horses or one of the cows bumps up against that fence, it gives them enough pain that they don’t want to do it again, but it doesn’t injure them at all. We never would want to injure them!
With your children, you do not ever want to do something that is physically injurious or emotionally injurious. To be effective, however, there needs to be enough pain that they will not want to repeat their disobedience.
“Pastor, that sounds dangerous.”
Well, let me tell you, it is much more dangerous not to do what God says. The Bible says in the letter to the Hebrews, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but rather painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness for those who are trained by it.” Discipline is not effective unless it is so unpleasant that it is memorable. I have spent my life working with children, many who were horribly abused physically, sexually and emotionally. I have zero tolerance for abusers, and we do not use physical punishment on any of the children at the Ranch because of the suffering so many have endured. But in order for discipline to be effective, it must make an impression. God promises that such discipline “yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness for those who are trained by it.” There are some people who can experience great pain and refuse to learn. They are stubborn. They are evil, and only God can change them by giving them a new heart.
James Dobson said, “Some kids come out of the womb smoking a cigar.” It is true that some children are singularly difficult from birth. I know a couple that had a first child who was just a prince, just so sweet, so precious, so kind, eager to please, and they thought they were great parents. Then, they had another child. They decided maybe they’d lost their technique, because that second child inflicted pain on his mother while still in the womb. His mom was black and blue on the inside. He was kicking, and he came out crying, and he’s never stopped. Your job is to do what God says. God will do what you can’t. You are still required to do what God commands.
Discipline your children, realizing that the goal is to work yourself out of a job. Some of us remember the television show Bonanza. Life on the Ponderosa was not a biblical view of family relationships. You had a household of single men dependent on their single dad. The characters were lovable, but why were they all still living at home? And why did their father continually have to rescue them from the messes they got in.
I have seven children, four of them adopted. I do not want my children to think, “Oh, no. What will we do when Dad’s gone? Where will we go for wisdom?” I don’t want them to think that way. I want my children to already know the source of wisdom is God, and it is revealed to us in His Word. We can depend on God our whole lives. I have sought to make my children to be dependent on Him, not me.
I think God may have given me a lot more money, but for the fact that I would have foolishly given too much to my kids. I would love to buy all my kids really nice expensive cars. It would give me pleasure to do that for them. God knows this, and so He reminds me, “You can’t afford that, can you?”
“No.”
God asks, “Do you think I can afford it?”
“Well, yes.”
“Do you think I would do that for your kids if that would be the best thing for them?”
“Well, yes, I guess You would.”
“Then, trust Me with your children. I want them to depend on Me, not on you, Jim.”
Whether it is for finances, whether it is for wisdom, whether it is for comfort, I want my children to depend on the Lord. This doesn’t mean I cannot be involved in doing things for them financially or giving them counsel when they ask or comforting them when they’re hurting. It means that if I try to buffer them from all the challenges of life, I will injure them in the process. My children need to look to God as their father. My goal as a parent is to work myself out of a job.
Heavenly Father, You’re perfect. None of us are. But You are perfect. You do all things well, and we come to You right now in the name of Jesus asking that You would please deliver us from evil, fill us with Your Holy Spirit and live Your life through us that we might always point others to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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