If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:1-7
I had great parents, but they were not perfect. My children had great parents, but we were not perfect either. I knew that my job as a parent was, first and foremost, to point my children to their heavenly Father. Fathers, that is your first and foremost task. If you didn’t have a good father, you still need to learn to look to your heavenly Father who is the only perfect Father. If you haven’t been blessed with children, you can still point people to the Lord. If you want to know what the Father is like, look to Jesus. He is the exact representation of the Father’s glory. We do this as we manifest the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Only the Holy Spirit empowers us to do what we could never accomplish in our own strength.
The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love. All the facets described in Galatians 5 are aspects of love described in 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient. Love is kind. It doesn’t envy. It doesn’t boast. It’s not proud. It’s not rude. It’s not selfish. That is what we are to look like. That is how we point others to Jesus in a credible way. The fruit of the Spirit will do much more than a series of sermons.
We must live what we profess. I have known many parents who would tell their kids the truth, and then model the opposite before them. The consequence was, it became harder for their kids to believe the truth and harder for anybody else to point those children to the truth. If you’re hearing one thing and seeing another, and there’s no repentance for that discontinuity, it is absolutely devastating.
One of my dearest, closest friends in childhood had a father who would come home and preach to his family, and then beat his wife and children because he didn’t feel that they were paying close enough attention. What a horrible evil! Do you think those kids found it easy to believe the gospel? Thank God, some of them did come to faith, but it was largely by seeing the gospel lived out in in other people, including my parents.
As you point your children to Jesus, show them how He loves the church. How do you do this? Husbands, show them by the way you love your wife. Ephesians tells us that the wife is to be submissive to her husband, then it says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” If you want your kids to know how much they are loved by God, show them how you love your wife by the way you treat her.
So, we must demonstrate the gospel and build trust in our children. What does this look like?
- First, never lie to your children. Some people say, “In our family we have certain traditions that I want my children to experience. We want them to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and all that stuff, but they’ll learn the truth when they get older.” One of the main truths they’ll learn is not to believe you. If you think it’s cute for your kids to believe a lie, and you encourage that, you are not loving your children well. That’s like saying, “The reason that I still sometimes steal from people is because it’s kind of a family tradition. I grew up in a gypsy family, and we just do that, you know.” Teaching your children to trust you will help them learn to trust God. Lying to your children will teach them not to trust you and not to trust God.
- Keep your commitments. Don’t say, “Yes, we will,” and then discover that you can’t. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. Don’t tell children in order to reassure them that the medical test will be fine. You don’t know that. The test might come back malignant. Instead, reassure your children with the truth, “Honey, I don’t know what the results of the test will be, but I know that God does, and He’s going to take care of us no matter what.” Never lie to your kids.
- Model humility. When I was a teenager, I could not beat my dad in a race for reconciliation. If he and I had an argument, while I was still in my room fuming and going over why I was right, my dad would come and knock on the door. I’d open it, and he’d have tears in his eyes. He’d say, “Son, I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have said what I did. That was wrong of me.” And I would cry and say, “Oh, Dad, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said this and I shouldn’t have done that. That was wrong of me. You were right, and I was wrong.” Then, he’d reply, “But, I still shouldn’t have said what I did. Please forgive me.” He always beat me to the punch when it came to seeking forgiveness and reconciliation. He could be 10% wrong, and I could be 90% wrong. He would still come to apologize first. He modeled humility, and I am forever grateful.
Jesus never sinned. He was never wrong, but He always modeled humility. He washed His disciples’ feet. He came from the throne of glory to be born in a manger. He went to the cross to take our punishment. Parents, don’t try to appear infallible. Don’t try to appear invincible. Be like Jesus and be humble. Remember, our job is to point others to Him.
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